One Year Later

One year ago today I returned home from my mission. I woke up this morning thinking, "Yikes, has it really been a year?"

One year ago today the car wouldn't start in the morning. We scrambled, on edge and emotional trying to get to the mission office.

One year ago today I was told by my mission president to go to a burger joint in Seattle to get his favorite meal.

One year ago today I was scared of returning home. I was scared of disappointing my family, my friends, and my Heavenly Father.

One year ago I started crying in the middle of the security line in the Baltimore airport as I realized I was alone for the first time, and leaving people I dearly loved.

One year ago today I called my mom during a layover to let her know I would be coming in late, and heard my little brother in the background. When I asked why he was there and not at school, my mom said "He was worried we would leave to pick you up without him, so he decided to stay home the whole day."

One year ago, I was at my lowest point.

Coming home early from my mission was not something easy for me. I did not want to leave the Hedgesville Ward, the wonderful people, and my amazing companion. But I knew I needed to.

So, let's talk about everything that has happened since coming home. First, I learned what I really want to do in my life: teach, which is kind of funny since I always felt like I was the worst teacher on my mission. I've also gotten a new niece and a nephew, and they are both the cutest things ever. I have made amazing friendships that have helped me grow as a person, as each of those people is an example to me in so many ways.

However, coming home was a huge reality check for me. I realized that anxiety and depression is not something people should go though alone. Coming home, I was told I had to go see someone from LDS Family Services about my experiences, and I did. I know going to get help can be scary, but it can be the biggest blessing.

I also learned how to rely on my Father in Heaven. I was so angry when I got home, I did not want to do anything because I felt like I did not have the right to, like I didn't deserve to. I said my prayers, but many of them went along the lines of "I am pretty upset that this is happening right now and I don't understand why." However, as I have learned to actually rely on the Lord, to give Him all my weaknesses and shortcomings and ask for them to be turned to strengths, I have realized that we are not here on this earth to understand every part of our lives. We are here to learn, and we can only do that through the different trials we go through. Relying on my Heavenly Father has taught me that I am still his child, He still loves me, and believes I deserve good things in this life, and the life to come.

Today, I woke up to my alarm to get ready for school.

Today, I laughed with my friends in class and smiled.

Today, I felt better about life. I knew that good things have happened and will continue to happen.

XOXO Sydney

PS: What kind of post would this be without pictures?! So here are some from my mission, and some from now. Also, if you want more information about different experiences from this past year, feel free to go further back in the blog. :)