Marriage and Family: Part 2

Hello again! So, this is the second part of my blog-post for my Family class! Remember that I include my own personal experiences and testimonies. :)

Stay True to Your Marriage

   Let’s just be honest right now, having and creating kids is a huge part of marriage, it leads to having a family.

   Now, I personally have no romantic experience at all, like, at all, and I think because of this, the idea of sex is a big deal. Having sex with someone, to me, is like saying “Hey, I would be okay having a baby at this time in my life, with this person”. I know that not everyone sees it this way, but to me, that’s what it is.

   From both my LDS faith, and other religions, marital sexuality is important, and sacred. It creates a new relationship between man and wife, and creates a new relationship between them and God. This new part of the relationship creates a stronger bond.

   I personally believe in and practice abstinence, or no sex whatsoever before marriage, including no sex during the engagement. Some people say that that is silly, why wait? I respond that I want to have that kind of relationship with someone who I know won’t just leave me in case something happens. They respond back with “Well, marriages can end, that’s why there is divorce”. But like I said before, I want my first marriage to be my only marriage. Having intimate relations with someone, to me, is letting that person see you for everything you are, being so close to them that they know everything about you; all your fears, ambitions, embarrassing moments, joys, everything. And that is something special, something sacred.

   Staying true to your marriage is a huge thing to me. I want my first marriage to be my only marriage, I want to be married to someone who loves me no matter what, and wants to be with me even though I am weird and crazy and love nerdy things. I do not want to marry someone, eternally marry someone, who would rather be with someone else.

   There are so many consequences for marital infidelity. There is a broken bond between someone whom you once loved, there can be objectification (especially if it is infidelity via pornography, you can stop viewing your wife or husband as a person, and instead as a thing, a thing you use for pleasure). You also won’t be able to be fully satisfied, you get instant gratification, but it won’t last, and your infidelity can and will grow into a big problem or addiction.

   It is for those reasons that sex should be done in a marriage, with someone who has shown and proved to you that they love you, and it should not be betrayed through cheating, or pornography, or romantic attachments to those other than your spouse. You should always honor your marital vows, and continue to show your spouse just how much they mean to you, which should be an infinite amount of worth if you chose to marry them.

Forgiveness

   Okay, so, I’m not sure about everyone out there, but I personally struggle quite a bit with forgiving others, for various reasons. I think the biggest reason I have with forgiving people is that I feel like when they lie to me, or lose my trust, or hurt me, they are basically saying “Oh hey, I didn’t really care about you!”

   Yes, I know that that probably isn’t what they are thinking when they do it, but that is how I feel, and because of that, I find it extremely difficult to forgive people, especially if they have seriously hurt me. But, I do know it is possible to forgive people, even your family members. How do I know this? Because I’ve had to do it myself.

   Sorry, but I am not going to delve into that experience with you all. Just know that it was something that I struggled with for years, and that holding onto that grudge or darkness seriously hurt me. You may think that what they did caused you pain, but it is nothing compared to the pain your create yourself.

   By choosing to not forgive this person in my family, I became bitter, dark, depressed, and my anxiety reached a high point. I felt that I could not create close friendships and I felt a strain on the rest of my family relationships. I was always angry.

   But that person did not make me those things, I did. Yes, they hurt me, but they did not force me to seclude myself off, to distance myself from others. They did not force me to become angry with others. They did not force me to dislike them, in fact, they begged me not to, but I chose to. I made myself become this dark person that, quite frankly, I hated being, but could not figure out how to escape until I realized that I could change myself. We have control over ourselves, we don’t have control over much, but we can control ourselves. We can’t always control our feelings, but we can control our reactions.

   Now, some of you may be thinking “We can’t just forgive them right away!” and you’re right. Forgiveness if something that takes time, and for each person it is different. Forgiving someone right away can create a sense of bring superficial or fake. It is okay to be angry at first, or to be sad, heartbroken, really any emotion. Like I said before, it took me years to forgive. But there is a difference between waiting to forgive until you personally feel it is right, until you have had time to process everything and feel assured through God that it is time, and holding a grudge.

  You yourself have the power to either let this pain drag you down, or to free yourself from it, and only you can choose which side you want to be on.

Faith in Family

   The idea of faith is decreasing immensely in today’s society. Many people choose to not believe in a God of any kind, or any higher power.

   However, the idea of a God or a higher power can have a huge impact on families and the success of marriage and families.

   Growing up, both of my parents were very strong in their faith, and I have seen how much that has affected not only their lives, but also the lives of my siblings and myself.

   Family life was not perfect rowing up, and yes, my parents had their arguments, but they did not let that end their marriage, or get in the way of raising us to be good people. The fact that my parents have been sealed in the temple, for all time and eternity, helped create a better home for us kids, a more loving, supportive home.

   Now, I am not saying that believing in God or belonging to a church will fix everyone’s marriage and family problems, but there are so many ways it can help, both as a whole family and individually.

There can be times growing up when you do feel completely and utterly alone. Your family will not always understand what you are going through, and sometimes, they may not even try to. It was during times sort of like that when I really turned to the Lord for comfort and guidance. Looking back on my life, I honestly have no idea where I would be without having faith personally, and in my family, but it probably would not be pretty.

   I have seen the families of my friends without faith, and it truly makes me grateful for my house. In my own personal experience, the parents are more selfish and prideful. The children do not have a good relationship with their parents, which leads to a lower view of self-worth and a decrease in a desire for a better future.

   I think in some ways, having a faith or belief in a higher being is a way to sort of be held responsible for your actions. So many people act the way they do because they fear a punishment, or they know they can be rewarded. If people do not believe that there is a higher power, then they do not think that they will truly be judged for their actions.

   Having a Christ centered home can create an amazing family life and stronger family relations. By focusing on the life of Christ in your family, and by practicing his actions and beliefs, families can grow closer together through service to others, and be able to realize the love they have for each other through the love they feel from their Heavenly Father. I know this is true because I have been able to see it in my own life, growing up.

Prayer

   Prayer is such a wonderful gift to me. It is a time for me to reflect on my day, my life, my wishes and hopes, and it is a time for me to talk with my Father in Heaven.

   I remember when my little brother, Patrick, was first learning how to pray, or started saying prayers. He would always pronounce it as “prer”, and it was adorable. But he absolutely loved praying.

I know for myself that praying is calming during trials, it is comforting during hardships. Prayer has the power to strengthen relationships as well as heal relationships.

   President Thomas S. Monson once said “May I offer you newlyweds a formula which will ensure that any disagreement you may have will last no longer than one day? Every night kneel by the side of your bed.” President Monson advises those newlyweds, or even those who have been wed for a long time, to kneel together and pray at night, pray together. Why? Because of the amazing power that prayer has.

   I once had a friend tell me that her pastor’s wife told her to pray for her future husband every night, to pray for his safety and well-being, and also for his testimony. That should not change after marriage. Husband and wife should continue praying for each other, because marriage does not wipe away trials or temptations, if anything, it can add to them

   Nathan M. Lambert said “Prayer is the means by which individuals may invite God to play an active role in their relationship.” To me, this is so utterly and completely true. Remember the section about forgiveness? And how I said that it was difficult for me to forgive that person in my family? I know in my heart that I would not have been able to forgive them without the help and guidance from the Lord. I know that I would still feel that bitter darkness. But through prayer, I was able to fix my relationship and even grow closer to that person.

   Prayer can also help strengthen relationships in good times. Like I’ve said before, I have no relationship experience, but I do have family experience, and roommate experience, and I have seen prayer strengthen relationships in both. I used to pray for a better relationship with my dad, we had a good one, but I wanted a better one. I would pray for that, and Heavenly Father answered my prayers. My dad is an amazing example and hero to me, and I know I would not feel that way without praying for a better relationship.

   In terms of roommates, when I moved off campus my third semester of college, my roommates were all very nice girls, but I still felt a bit uncomfortable around them, even after several weeks. I felt a little bit alone and I was missing my family immensely. I prayed for comfort and friendship, and while it took a while and was difficult, it came.

   I also think that sincere family prayer can help remind us of our goals and remind us of God’s plan for us all, especially in times of conflict. Praying call help you feel of God’s love, which can then remind you of the love you have for those in your family.

  

Praying can help with emotions in families and marriages, such as anger, sadness, or hurt. Prayer can be an amazingly humbling experience which can do miracles in family lives.

Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this post, I hope you find it helpful!

XOXO, Sydney